The Blessing of Disappointment

We cannot and should not give our children everything they request. Children must hear the word no. If we fail as parents to allow our children to experience disappointment they will grow up to be spoiled. And when life, as it will assuredly do, denies them a desire, that person will not know how to cope. I want to give my son everything he requests. His requests are almost always doable and reasonable. But every now and then I say no because he needs to know he is not going to get everything he wants.

It happens very subtly, children train us from birth. When my son cried because he wanted something to eat, I gave him a bottle. When he cried pointing to the toy on the floor, I retrieved it for him. If he cried because I was bathing him, I went faster. He was training his mother well. But at a certain point the light bulb went off and I remembered life and the rest of the world would not be as accommodating.

Sure it would be easy to give it to him. Many of us adoring and tired parents take the easy way out. Who wants to hear the pleading, whining or begging. Don't take the easy way out -- we are creating monsters. As a former new hire trainer at a corporation I can tell you that too many of the twenty-ish employees acted like they were doing us a favor coming to work. When the requests from some of these new generation employees were made, they were shocked that managers dismissed them out of hand. Far too many felt privileged and entitled their first day on the job.

By teaching your child to deal with disappointments you are blessing them. They will practice patience, controlling their desires, obeying authority and consideration. Children may turn to violence, vengeance, drugs and suicide when the proper coping mechanism have not been developed. Parents don't take the easy way out -- you may be saving your child by disappointed them.