The Sudden Death of a Mother

Last week the mother of one of my son's kindergarten classmates suddenly passed away.  This is the first time I have personally known a child to lose their mother at such a young age.  I wept - hard.  I wept for this precious little girl who doesn't realize what has happened.  There is nothing like the love of a good mother.  

I wept because of all the wonderful mothers I have seen and am seeing raise their little girls;  Luisita, Ms. Grace, Dee, Mrs. House, Tryan, Aunt Mary, Aunt O,  Aunt Vi, Mrs. J, Donna, Treva, Judy, Jenelle, Mrs, Jackson, Vicky, Mrs. McLean, Ms. Vera, Nara, Pearl, Darie, Marsha and Cheryl.  I want their brand of mothering for every child.  I weep hoping this little girl's god-mom or grandmother can step in and give her what only a mother can give.  I pray that someone with the heart of a mother would mother her.

At this time she doesn't comprehend that her mom is gone forever.  Sure, she been told and can tell you her mom is in heaven.  But she doesn't grasp the full impact of how her life has changed permanently.  What is permanent to a 5 year old.  In our culture we adults don't want to deal with death which translates into being ill-prepared when it happens.  If we are unprepared imagine our children.  

Here are a few tips gathered from experts and the American Pediatric Association:

• Teach children that death is part of life in an age-appropriate manner.  When autumn arrives use the falling leaves.  When the gold fish dies talk about the cycle of life.
  
• When informing a child of a passing be clear but gentle.  If possible, begin preparing the child when the loss is inevitable.
  
• Try not to attach a single person, place or thing to the death.  If the child attaches the doctor to a death, they will be afraid to go to the doctor.
  
• Consider visiting a grief counselor or religious leader. 
  
• When a death occurs don't hide all of your grief.  Express your grief and allow the child to express theirs.
  
• Let the child see adults coping with the loss, working through the pain.
  
• Take good care of the child and try to keep their daily life as normal as possible.  As we know children need love, safety and security.
  
• If anger is expressed, guide the child to a constructive and harmless manner in expressing it.   A pillow fight, punch a boxing bag, running, etc.  
  
• Engage in activities that keep the child moving through the grief process and lead to the acceptance of the loss.  
• Come to a place where the person's life can be honored and celebrated.  The memories will last forever.
  

I pray you will not need this list, but this is life.

All the best!